Christ Almighty, Now We Have to Reappraise the Usefulness of Dyson


Another previously written-off shitbag of a company is emerging as a hero amid the coronavirus war, as tax-dodging overseas hypocritical empire Dyson is riding to the rescue of our doomed population with 10,000 homebrew ventilators. We’ll take everything back, Sir Charles, when your machine is doing the breathing for us in three weeks’ time.

The government has ordered 10,000 of the Dyson ventilator models, which the aeration specialist has turned around in staggeringly short time for the national good. Dyson says it transferred “hundreds” of its engineers to the job of designing and building the ventilators, and in news that’ll get even your dad welling up, they’re to be built in the UK. In Wiltshire. In former WWII aircraft hangars. I’m not far off crying myself, but that might be because I’m sat here doing this and would rather be playing Animal Crossing during my last few weeks alive, so I can at least pass on a decent save position to the kids.

There are still regulatory hurdles to cross and checks to be made before the Dyson units enter life-saving service, but these will be fast-tracked at full wartime R&D pace, under the assumption that the machines could start hitting the NHS within a fortnight. And they’re battery operated and therefore portable too, so ideal for use in all the impromptu emergency hospitals of the terrifyingly near future. [BBC]

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